happy 2nd birthday, my loves

Two years ago today our lives changed forever. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and headed towards the bathroom to get ready for work. After only a couple of steps I felt the pressure and cramping. My stomach sunk after I discovered blood on the tp. I frantically called Cody wondering what I should do. I quickly got dressed and rushed to the OB's office as fast as I could safely get there. I was breathing through contractions the 20+ miles to the Med Center, feeling like I was getting stopped at every light along the way. A cervical exam revealed I was fully dilated and Rhys's sac was bulging. Minutes later I was wheeled into triage for an emergency delivery. And my beautiful boys were born more than 16 weeks premature.

There are some experiences in life they have not invented words to describe. This day, two years ago, was one of them.

Happy birthday to my two perfect angels. To my Bentley, we love you and miss you more than I thought possible. And we think about you every day sweet boy. Rhys, you are joy personified and we're blessed to be your parents.

our little diva

Zoe is growing, growing, growing. I couldn't believe when she was born. Healthy and all tiny with loose skin. We don't have loose skin any longer!

In fact, this baby girl is pleasantly plump. Everywhere. I love watching her personality develop.

She's got a great smile, just like Rhys. And she's now starting to "talk" up a storm. When I was pregnant I kept telling Cody she was going to be a busy body because she was constantly kicking. And so far that has proven true.

sitting, tummy, swimming and speech

I'm working really hard with Rhys and his sitting. He gets h.o.r.r.i.b.l.y upset when I make him sit. He isn't angry, his feelings are hurt, and I can not understand why. He is uncertain and sometimes unsteady so I think he's feeling a little out of sorts when he's not surrounded by a barrier (i.e. us, the couch, chair, etc.). He is in the beginning stages and can mostly only prop sit, but the catch is that he doesn't want to use his arms to prop himself. Hands are for grabbing things, not bracing yourself! He has enough muscle control to keep himself upright if he is still, but let's face it, that rarely happens as Rhys is an inquisitive little dude and has to touch everything multiple times to check out all the angles. Another issue is that he has always relaxed against us when we hold him and he's always been caught when he falls. So now he thinks it's a great game when he throws himself back and we catch him. We've been trying to break him of that for a while now and haven't been fully successful yet. I have always thought if/when Rhys could sit more of his development would fall into place. Certainly his standing will not happen until then since you need to be able to control your torso in order to balance on your feet. If he can sit upright he can have greater access to his toys and range of movement of his arms. If, if, if, if.....

While playing with Rhys on the floor today he did something he's never done. He rolled all the way over onto his stomach to play with a toy. All by himself. Holy moly! Talk about a shocker.

We've tried many times to get him to play on his stomach but he immediately rolls onto his back. For him to intentionally roll onto his stomach (out of the blue!) to play with a toy is very exciting for us. Maybe, just maybe he will start doing this more frequently, which will lead to his legs working a little more so that he finally realizes he has the capability to (gasp!) army crawl. He definitely has the motor skills required to do that at this point, but he needs to put a few more things together first.

I have no idea if this is a coincidence, but Rhys has made these two good strides since he started swim lessons. It is hard for me to say he is getting that much benefit from swim so quickly, because even though we participate in all the activities he is mostly still an "observer" at this point and doesn't join in with the kicking, blowing bubbles, etc. I hate being wrong, but I'd love to be wrong about this.

The speech pathologist started his sessions two weeks ago. Only to leave for India this week for vacation. He showed me the exercises he wants us to do and anticipates we should at least see some changes in eating by the time he returns from his vacation in s.i.x. weeks. He offhandedly mentioned Rhys should be sucking from a straw by then, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I'd love it above all else if he was, but I'd settle for him gagging/choking less. All this progress at once is nearly too much for my little brain to process.

to tears

Rhys woke up extra early this morning. His poor teeth have been giving him fits again. Darn those 2 year molars! I took him into the living room to play with some of his early birthday loot and my baby boy decided to sit all on his own. For an extended period of time. Even preventing himself from toppling over. Which has never happened before. That brought me to tears. :)

thank goodness for the swing!

I wont go so far as to say Zoe loves her swing, but she'll take it as an alternative to being held. She'd much prefer to be in the thick of things, on someone's lap or in their arms, to see what is going on so we've had to raise the seat angle so she is more upright. She gets being nosey honest. From me. :)

And no one can accuse me of not feeding this child. The only things she likes more than being held is eating. She is slowly working her way up and off the charts, weighing in at a healthy 12.5 pounds (and steadily gaining). I thought breastfed babies were supposed to be smaller than their formula fed counterparts?? Not my little cupcake!

swim lessons

Cody and I decided to enroll Rhys in swim lessons, and today was our first day. Other than me twisting my knee, busting my butt and nearly dropping Rhys we did okay! Actually, Rhys did great for being in a pool for the first time. He was a little shaken initially from me falling with him, but once we got into the pool he was really enjoying himself. I explained his developmental delays to his instructor and she didn't miss a beat. I don't necessarily expect Rhys to learn to swim, though if he did that'd be great, but I do think it'll be a great experience for him. I have to keep reminding myself that Rhys has every right to the same opportunities as other kids and that it's okay he isn't developmentally where he should be. It is really difficult taking the kids places by myself. In situations like this it is hard even with just Rhys because he has to constantly be held - he can't sit or stand. Since it is hard to lug around my 25 pounder my initial reaction is to want to stay at the house because it's easier, but Rhys and Zoe both need to get out and about more so I need to suck it up! So, we are now enrolled in weekly swim lessons. Rhys wasn't crazy about going under water, but he didn't have a meltdown like I thought he might. He even went to far as to start slapping the water and participating in the songs. He swallows the water instead of keeping his mouth closed, but I'll cut him some slack since it was his first session. :) There are three other little girls in his class that he watched so I'm hoping this will give him a little social interaction too.

May birthdays

May is a busy month for birthdays. My best friend (since kindergarten), two more really great friends, my cousin, my nephew. And last, but certainly never least, Cody. He joined the dirty thirty club last week.

Zoe telling Dad happy birthday.

This is me and Rhys playing at his cousin's birthday party. Rhys didn't like it or dislike it. It was a little hot outside and there was a lot going on so I'm not sure he was paying much attention to the jungle gym. Yeesh! Seeing this picture has made me seriously motivated to lose the last of my baby weight. My pre-pregnancy bottoms still don't fit really well and I'm tired of wearing maternity clothes. Even though they are maybe the most comfortable thing on the planet aside from PJs.

Our little porker is starting to show her personality. She's s paying more attention to her surroundings and is beginning to watch the mobile and toy bar on her bouncy seat. We're in that period where she is increasingly awake more but isn't able to do much. So she wants to be held. She has made a bit of a schedule for herself recently. After bedtime of about 10 p.m. she usually sleeps between 5 and 7 hours, wakes up to eat and then goes back to sleep. This pattern continues for most of the day. Around 5 p.m., luckily when Cody gets home so I have help, she is a pill. She is completely awake and is a wild woman until bedtime.

Rhys got his first (of many I'm sure) scrape last weekend. He fell on the concrete while sitting on someone's lap (who was sitting on the ground). It wasn't too bad but it still upset me. Because of his not so great motor skills he didn't catch himself and hit the side of his face. If he'd been running and tripped it'd be different. But this is my baby lacking the ability/know-how/whatever-you-want-to-call-it to prevent that from happening and it is incredibly frustrating. Even by preemie "standards" he is horribly behind. But, I can't let myself compare because he is doing good things. In addition to banging toys he recently began putting items into a container. And he has also started reaching across his body with his right hand to grab things. He can sit for brief periods of time, but when his attention is focused on an object he quits concentrating on sitting and he topples to one side or the other.

Because of Rhys's delays we have him in every therapy we possibly can get for him. We have a standing PT appointment weekly, vision every other week, and the new speech pathologist will be once a week when that gets started. On top of that we see the ECI coordinator once a month and the nutritionist every other month. That's a lot of therapy. I'm not complaining but that is our life. Constant therapy, with the therapists themselves and with us all other times. But despite of all the therapy he gets, and it's a lot, I sometimes feel like he needs more. Since last summer I've been wanting to get Rhys into equine therapy. I've heard fantastic things about it. But, the earliest they will start is age 2. Our neighborhood has a horse stable, and they offer equine therapy, but not the type Rhys would require. So I'm going to call around and see if I can find another location that isn't across town that has it. I don't know if Rhys would enjoy it, but I'd like to see what it could do for him. We've always been willing to try anything and are always looking for something else to help Rhys.

Have any of you had any experience with equine therapy? I'd like to get some feedback if anyone has any.

mom and the kiddos

I think this is one of the only pics we've taken of me and kids. I still can't believe they're both mine. I think I'll keep them!

With Rhys's blond hair and pale complexion he hardly looks related to Zoe with her dark hair and more tan skin tone. Except they do share a few of the same features. They have the same chin and the same nose. The jury is still out on whether Zoe has dimples. She is starting to smile, but not long enough for me to tell quite yet. She also has blue eyes. For now at least. My brother was the blond-haired, blue-eyed child with dimples. I wasn't. I got none of the three and always thought it horribly unfair so I'd love for Zoe to have the latter two since it doesn't look like she's going to be a natural blond. :)

development

Rhys is still chugging along with his development. He is horribly delayed in some things and not quite as delayed in others. He's sort of doing everything all out of order, but he's maintaining his pace and that is really what matters. He recently started grabbing toys, one in each hand at the same time. Last week he started banging them together. This is typical behavior for a 8-9 month old, but we'll take it! Not that I'm excited about it, but he's begun sticking his finger his nose. Ha. Coordination is coordination so we'll take that too! Rhys is also using his right arm a bit more. Most things are still typically automatically lefty, but I'm beginning to see him reach across his torso with his right arm. His vision therapist things he's doing great. He's definitely got strong opinions about what he likes, toys included.

His PT has started talking about shoe inserts to assist with his walking. I believe she's formulating a plan of what exactly it is she wants to do. Rhys is beginning to weight shift when standing, and even tries to take steps. Because of his tone Rhys points his toes when stepping and crosses one foot in front of the other. Sort of like a tight rope walker except more exaggerated where the stepping leg crosses the the stationary leg to a larger degree. He typically steps on the toes of the foot that is planted on the ground. But we're working it! He's taking steps and that in itself is progress. We bought him a new, taller walker and he is starting to move forward in it. I want to ask his PT about her thoughts on a gait trainer for Rhys. I don't know that he will or will not need one on a permanent basis to walk, but right now it seems it would at least allow him to be somewhat mobile. The walker works on a limited basis. It is a bit wobbly and is not designed for a 25 pound toddler. But I'll have to see what she says since I don't know much about that type of equipment and she might not feel it'd be worth the cost.

Zoe is now 9.5 pounds. Eight weeks into it and I still can't wrap my mind around a baby that likes to eat! She's filling out and now has two chins and some seriously chubby cheeks. I'm seeing a bit of lazy left eye in her, much the same as Rhys, so we might be visiting Dr. H again before all is said and done. Rhys has a ton of weekly ECI appointments so we've mostly been keeping to the house lately. My double stroller came in today though so I'll now be able to get the kids out of the house during the day, and work on getting rid of these last 15 pounds I'm carrying around. The neighborhood pools opened this month so I'm looking forward to taking Rhys for his first pool visit!

sleepy head

Rhys slept so great all last week. So great that I was feeling the need to wake him up by the time 10 a.m. rolled around. He didn't even wake up at night as he frequently does. One morning, about 10 a.m. or so, I went in to get him and this is what I found.

As a side note, in case you're wondering, that is not his bedding. We layer his bed with sheets and lap pads for easy cleanup should Rhys make a mess (i.e. throw up) and the turkey sheet is left over from the NICU when he had themed bedding for every occasion. Thanks Nonna.

Anyway. Rhys loves.loves.loves that lovie blanket you see on his head. Aunt Amy bought it for him way back when he was in the NICU, before he could appreciate it. Now it is an absolute requirement to fall asleep. He has become so attached to it we felt the need to buy a back-up lovie. You know, for when lovie #1 needs to be washed (for those nights Rhys throws up), or goodness forbid if something happened to it. Because our little guy is smart. He knows which lovie is the "real" lovie and can pick it out of a pile without pausing to think about it. We limit the lovie use to bedtime only, so I'm hoping we can prevent him from wanting to drag it to kindergarten with him!